Christmas Eve Eve

It’s the most wonderful time, of the year….

Technically, the longest day of the year is the Winter Solstice. However, as a young mom, the longest day of the year for me was the day before Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve started the festivities, so keeping my brood of four occupied the day before Christmas Eve was a challenge – to say the least. To say they were wired is an understatement. The anticipation. The excitement. The magic in the air!

It was 27 years ago that I penned a column that was published. That began my career as a writer, small-town reporter and columnist. Other opportunities grew, and I was able to add editing to the list.

Life has a funny way of being consistent – and that is, life always changes.

Through tremendous loss came tremendous growth. And, in the career world, as print went digital, I had to change career paths.

I miss my writing days. With support, I have decided to get back to writing – even if just for myself. And what is a better way to do this, than to share what started me on the path to begin with.

I’ll always be grateful to the editor who took a chance with my writing. I’m sure some of you have read this before, and I hope you enjoy reading my first column again. I feel a bit rusty, and I had to call tech support to get my site functional again. Unfortunately, I lost my subscription base. If you are moved to do so, feel free to subscribe again.

Wishing you the peace of the season, and a hearty laugh or smile when you read of my experiences. Have a wonderful Christmas Eve Eve!

“Sugar Buzz,” written and published in The Mirror Newspapers, December 24, 1998:

I know I read somewhere that sugar does not affect children’s behavior. Well, this experienced mother can truly dispute that statement! Any parent who has ever hosted a child’s party or helped out during classroom parties can attest to this fact as well.

But who am I to complain? Growing up, there was always “something sweet” with coffee after dinner. This tradition has carried over to my household as well as those of my siblings. I have a panic attack if we have surprise visitors and there is nothing sweet in the house.

As a parent, I tried to keep my children’s sugar ingestion to a minimum. (I said tried!) All four of them were born with a sweet tooth. Dessert is part of the food pyramid, right? And Christmas is coming, which means – more sugar and goodies.

I honor of all the parents who will try to talk their children into vegetable sticks in lieu of candy and cookies, I lift my cup of cocoa to you. And here’s a tune I penned to “Silver Bells” to get you in the mood:

Sugar Buzz

Sugar buzz, sugar buzz; It’s Christmas time in my kitchen.

Butter rings, fudge and things; Soon kids will be spazzing out.

City children, country children; With their hands gooey-gross;

Keep eating the cookies and junk food.

See them laughing, see them jumping; See them bouncing around.

And they just keep on chowing junk down!

Sugar buzz, sugar buzz; It’s Christmas time in my kitchen.

Angel wings, sugary things; Soon kids will be spazzing out.

Grandma’s baking, candies making; See the kids beg for more.

Mom and Dad roll their eyes – plead for mercy.

Hyper children, sticky clothing; Today’s the year’s longest day…

And tomorrow we’ll start this again!

Sugar buzz, sugar buzz; It’s Christmas time in my kitchen.

Red food coloring, re-fined everything!

These kids just can’t simmer down!

Merry Christmas!

How do you handle – or how did you handle – the anticipation and excitement of the season? Feel free to share in the comment section 🙂

May 3, 2018

The icky little spider – a song parody

The icky little spider – a song parody by yours truly…

“I don’t like spiders, man, just because they are sneaky – they just really scare me. They are hairy – ugh.” – Tom Holland

The icky little spider

The icky little spider climbed up my office wall.
Dropping down its web, it freaked this writer out!
Out came a bat to smash that thing away,
And the icky little spider got up and ran away.

Continue reading “The icky little spider – a song parody”

April 20, 2018

Do your knees say no?

My knees. And how the only way they do not fail me is by providing fodder…

Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro?

It was a warm, sunny evening.

Peacefully sitting in the yard, that obnoxious song blared from the ice cream truck. It rambled up the street, with kids running out their doors, clutching dollar bills, screaming, “STOP!” Decades ago, I was doing the same thing; running, screaming “STOP,” clutching a quarter in my hand. That was back when my knees worked and a quarter bought more than 15 minutes in a parking meter.

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April 12, 2018April 12, 2018

A funny thing happened… how I survived my most embarrassing moment

A funny thing happened… my most embarrassing moment. Ever. I learned to really appreciate this quote:

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Ah, yes. The famous quote. By this standard, I am Wonder Woman.

I’d like to add my own quote:

“When your life flashes before your eyes, stupid quotes and clichés race through your head.” – Lynne Cobb

I recently had the privilege to attend the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop (EBWW). It was a dream come true. Erma was my favorite – my inspiration as a young writer. I was beyond giddy to attend.

Earlier this year, I kicked off the New Year by attending a local writers’ workshop where we discussed the importance of writing goals and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones. It was there I took a short survey that revealed my “word of the year,” which was brave.

Go big or go home.

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April 3, 2018April 3, 2018

The top ten symptoms of “Erma-titis”

“Erma-titis.” I’ve got it. Bad.

It’s a total self-diagnosis. A few hundred people get it around this time of April, about every two years.

“I really can’t tell that you are excited…” – My husband

From the moment I started reading newspapers in the morning – so, basically, many moons ago – I’d always read Erma Bombeck’s column. When I was a local columnist, and a reader wrote that I reminded her of “a young Erma Bombeck,” my heart soared and my ego inflated! Someone compared me to Erma! Whoa!

So this week I get to fulfill a dream and attend the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, affectionately called, “Going to Erma.”

“He who laughs … Lasts.” – Erma Bombeck

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February 11, 2018

Shear terror – true confessions of an Army wife

Shear terror – an ironic play on words. I submitted this piece to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop pre-conference writing contest. Alas, it was not, a-hem, cut out to be a winner. I did however, want to share it, as many other contestants have shared their “losing” submissions. Sure, I was a little disappointed to have been trimmed. Maybe I missed winning by a hair! Who knows? But, after last week’s very somber post, I thought I’d lighten the mood and post one of the funniest stories I have about being a military wife.

ZZZvumm. The sound still haunts me.

I was a young, newly-wed Army wife. We had just recently moved to our new duty assignment. Money was tight, and we looked for ways to save our pennies.

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December 1, 2017December 1, 2017

Naked and afraid to eat

My sweet hat and sunglasses from Italy will provide me, um, cover…

“Clothes make a man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain

Well, Mr. Twain, I beg to differ. Little did you know that we’d have naked dating shows, naked real estate shows and naked survival shows. Oh, and naked restaurants. I’m thinking naked people do have a wee bit of influence these days.

Oo la la! France is on my bucket list of travels. Food, wine, fashion and sites – oui! I am looking forward to seeing more of the country than I saw recently, which was the inside of an airport on a layover.

Naked and afraid to eat…

But, one place I will definitely avoid is the new, all-nude restaurant. (Don’t believe me? Google it. I can’t be responsible for the spam bots, okay? Okay!) Hey, if I plan to drop a boatload of money on clothes in Paris, I want to show them off. Right? I mean, I’m all for themed-restaurants, but who comes up with the idea that people want to eat when they are nude? I’m thinking they aren’t going to be famous for their wings, ya know?

My mind goes places. Places I don’t want it to go… like to pre-teen immaturity when I hear “naked.”

So, please bare with me while I have a little fun.

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November 22, 2017November 21, 2017

When Turkeys Fly – Thanksgiving Disasters

It’s hard to believe another year is drawing to a close. And of course, this is the time of year we are most sentimental with memories of holidays past, like when turkeys fly.

The past few days, I have to admit that I have been getting a kick out of reading about Thanksgiving disasters.

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September 21, 2017

The battle of my weather-predicting knees

Aging knees — Rain or snow coming? Just ask my knees.

“Your middle name must be Grace,” she surmised, placing bandages on my scraped-up knees.

“No, it’s Catherine,” I replied, unwrapping the lollipop she placed in my skinned-up hands.

It took me a few decades to realize that my friend’s mother wasn’t really trying to guess my middle name.

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December 23, 2016May 9, 2017

Merry Christmas Eve Eve – the longest day of the year!

Merry Christmas Eve Eve – the longest day of the year – especially if you are a parent!

It’s December 23, and if you are a parent, today is – without a doubt – the longest day of the year. I remember my brood of four bouncing off the walls on “Christmas Eve Eve.” Every. Single. Year.

I’d try my best to keep them occupied by decorating cookies or have them cleaning their rooms… yes, they had to make room for the anticipated new gifts. Whatever works! Or, if the weather was good, I’d send them outside to wear themselves out playing in the snow.

Continue reading “Merry Christmas Eve Eve – the longest day of the year!”