Category: grief

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Love, Loss and Learning the Price of Love

The Price of Love
Stars in the Heavens

Love, Loss and Learning the Price of Love

The other morning, I sat outside in the dark enjoying my coffee. What an amazingly beautiful morning. After days of humidity, rain and cloud cover, the crisp air and clear skies were welcome. The stars and planets were brilliant, and I was in complete awe with the beauty of the universe and life.

It has been a journey, these past several years.

As I sat under the stars and reflected on life and loss and love, I was moved to such tremendous gratitude. There have been days I have shed happy tears, but today I sat with the gratitude and my heart just swelled with joy and peace.

Not only did I reflect on the beauty in front of me, I reflected on a quote I heard the other day.

“Grief is the price we pay for love.”

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Love, Loss and Learning to Lose Expectations

Love and Loss

Anticipation, not expectation

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” – Buddha

We are in the midst of the holiday season, or what I am beginning to now name the “expectation season.”

I often wonder why the holiday season dredges up so much pain. Do we often mask that pain with planning the “perfect Christmas,” or whatever festive day is celebrated?

Going into Thanksgiving week, my first twinge of pain began with acknowledging the losses I have experienced. Thoughts of, “It’s not going to the same without __________ (insert name here).” It sure seems that losses are felt are so profoundly this time of year.

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Love, Loss, and Leaning into an Addict’s Poem on “Wasted Time”

Love, Loss, and Leaning into an Addict’s Poem

Mental Health Awareness

Several weeks ago, I received my new laptop, which led me to go through files in my current system, deciding what I want to transfer and what needs to be deleted.

It is as daunting as going through a file cabinet. A task that needs to be done, but can be so overwhelming.

Whether the files are digital or paper, it’s difficult to go through these items. It can be very triggering. Finding documentation of injuries, illnesses, deaths, financial problems, old photos, cards and letters, and more, can bring about moments of grief. I believe that’s why it’s easier to clean out someone else’s “junk” than our own. The emotional attachment to items can make de-cluttering anything a daunting task.

As I went through the files, I came across a poem written by my half-brother, Jeff. I made a copy of it, and have read it to several people in the past few weeks of finding it again.

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Love, Loss, and Leaning into the Injustice of Grief

Love, Loss and
Sculpture by Celeste Roberge

Love, Loss, and Leaning into the Injustice of Grief

Today, we should be celebrating Sarah’s 16th birthday. A milestone birthday, with the anticipation of her getting a driver’s license. Beginning to choose colleges or trade schools. Thinking ahead to prom and graduation. SAT tests. Hanging out with friends. Snubbing family events for friends. Teen stuff.

As I remember the conversation Sarah and I had on her last healthy day, we talked about her getting her learner’s permit. She had already calculated when she’d eligible for driver’s training. She was so excited. As a mother of four, I was both excited and terrified at the thought of my granddaughter driving.

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Love, Loss, and Learning the Benefits of Witnessed Grief

Love, Loss, and Learning the Benefits of Witnessed Grief

love, loss and life lessons

 

It is no surprise that around the holidays, feelings of grief can kick into high gear. With the pressure of creating the “perfect” holiday, stuffing our feelings seems to be easier than dealing with them. Thankfully, the term, “Blue Christmas,” is being acknowledged, and several places of worship offer services and assistance because, well, it’s “a thing.”

Additionally, it’s no surprise that the longer we push uncomfortable feelings down, the more difficult they are to deal with, as they have a tendency to keep trying to be acknowledged.

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Love, Loss and Learning what’s in a name

Love and Loss

There are so many story ideas I have written down during my journey of healing. My last post shared where I’ve been, which was recovering from a fractured femur and the surgery needed to repair it. I am so far behind in writing.

I also noticed that a lot of my grief writing has been sad. Because, well, that’s grief. I have been trying to make some meaning out of the grief.

One of the goals I am working towards now is incorporating what I have learned on my healing journey, recovering from grief and trauma, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. I have been attending workshops in an effort to combine all of my talents as well as my knowledge. I’m passionate towards helping others navigate the deep, dark waters of grief.

That said, one of the numerous things I have learned in my coursework is that grief and joy can happen simultaneously.

That is what I would like to share with you today.

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Love, Loss and Leaning into Letting Go

Love, Loss and Leaning into Letting Go

grief

“Holiday host etiquette: If you’re inviting someone to your home and they’re grieving, be sure you’re inviting their grief to attend, too. It will be there, anyway.” Sarah Nannen

Last week, one of my nieces shared a post by Sarah Nannen, author of Grief Unveiled. Her post on grief and the holidays really resonated with me and touched my heart.

There are so many expectations around the holidays, and to be honest, I started to think there was something wrong with me.

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Love, Loss and Leaving Notes at the Labyrinth

Love, Loss and Leaving Notes at the Labyrinth

Love and Loss

It had been months – over six months, to be precise – that I had been able to visit my sacred space – the labyrinth that I shared with Sarah, just about a week before she passed away.

For the past six or seven months, I have been recovering from a serious lower back/hip injury. I truly believe it was a manifestation of the grief and trauma surrounding her death, and other major significant losses.

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Love, Loss and Living and Grieving on the first Angel Day

Love, Loss and Living and Grieving on the first Angel Day

First Angel Day
Sarah’s “Angel Tree with Snowflakes.”

One year ago, today, the unthinkable happened. My precious granddaughter, Sarah, passed away after a brave battle with myocarditis. Not only did her death send a ripple of shock and grief through our family, that ripple reached beyond what anyone could imagine. She touched the hearts and lives of so many people in our community, and the world at large.

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Love, Loss, and Lessons Learned from an Uprooted Tree

Love, Loss and...

One of the benefits of a warmer-than-normal fall in the Midwest is the opportunity to get out for a walk without bundling up from head-to-toe. It’s especially helpful for me, as walking is one of my go-to, self-care modalities as I process grief.

One of the pitfalls is, though, while the warmth and sunshine are appreciated, the storms that are trying to settle us into winter weather have definitely created havoc.

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